My Child

How is it possible to feel so old, and yet still feel like "a little child—I do not know how to go out or come in"?

I understand why You made this world so hard. Could sin not receive the full measure of its wages? And yet, Lord ... really? *sigh*

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
~ Psalm 73:25-26 (NKJV)

I love Your surprises, You know, even when You rebuke me. Your tenderness is unfathomable. Who but You would speak such words?

It's just that I'm so slow to learn, Lord. You surely understand why I would kick myself for having to learn the same lesson, over and over. If I will always choose You first, I suspect things would go easier.

And so I berate myself for being weak. I tell myself I'm stupid. I shake my head and roll my eyes. I'm harder on myself than I am on anyone else. I'd never in a million years think of speaking to another person the way I was speaking to myself.

And then, Your voice.

Don't speak of My child that way.

Why do You love me as You do?

I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD;
I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only.
O God, You have taught me from my youth;
And to this day I declare Your wondrous works.
Now also when I am old and grayheaded,
O God, do not forsake me,
Until I declare Your strength to this generation,
Your power to everyone who is to come.
~ Psalm 71:16-18 (NKJV)

Thank You, Lord. You are my all in all. I love You more than I know.