I'm out of step with You. I'm making lame excuses for it. I've been saying that I'm out of my groove because of circumstances. That I'm too beaten down to do anything but lie on the mat. That You turned my life upside down. (Well, You did, and it's Your place to do it, but that's not an excuse for me to be out of step with You.)
I'm tired of being in this place. I'm doing the right stuff, going through the right motions. But you and I both know that's all it is. I'm going through the motions and my heart's only halfway in it. It's making me vulnerable to some ugly lies, too.
I need to put my whole heart back into life, Lord. I need the joy on the outside to be the full joy on the inside that gives me the strength to make the joy on the outside shine for You the way You deserve.
I'm not asking You to help me get my heart back in step with You so my life will go better. I don't even deserve the blessings You already give me. I'm asking You to help me because I miss walking so closely with You that I feel the shadow of Your light fall upon me without ceasing. I'm being a straggler right now, trailing behind You as we take this walk through the valley that seems like it ends but never quite does.
I'm not unwilling to keep walking through the valley, especially because I feel Your presence and I'll go wherever You are. I don't want to go anywhere You aren't leading. But please help me recapture the joy of my salvation that makes the praise I'm giving You something that gives You pleasure in the walking.
I deserve nothing. But You deserve the best I have to give, however pitiful it is. You deserve all of me, however small I am.
I love You so much, Lord. You are so good. You really are enough. The fire inside hasn't died, just needs a little of Your breath to be brighter. Please? And if You're willing, then while You're at it, would it be possible for You to heal me where the fire outside has scorched?
Please pull me close. Please pull me back into Your groove.
Thank You, Lord. Thank You for never leaving me.