Friday, January 29, 2010

Amazing Grace

Fri, Jan 29, about 9pm

Retirement party at a bar. Lots of cigarette haze. A guy sitting at the bar tried to be friendly with me when I went to get utensils the waitress forgot. Mediocre Karaoke setup does little for the atmosphere. I'm sitting with my husband and some acquaintances.

Spirit's whisper:
Amazing Grace

Continue conversation for several minutes.

Spirit's whisper:
Amazing Grace

It that You, Lord? (I examine Karaoke setup again.) No way they've got "Amazing Grace" in the Karaoke book.

Mental picture:
Scene from the movie Amazing Grace when William Wilburforce sings the song "Amazing Grace" in a bar.

That is You. [mental eye roll] Okay, if they've got Amazing Grace in that book I'll sing it.

Go check Karaoke listings. "Amazing Grace (traditional)" appears. I fill out a request slip, and confirm with the operator that he'll let me sing it. I then tell a friend from church what I'm going to do and ask him to pray. I go back to my table and pray as well. When my name is called, I get up, dedicate the song to the guest of honor (who said he wouldn't go to church again until he retires), and sing "Amazing Grace"—four verses plus a repeat of the first verse. When I'm done, I go and hug the guest of honor.

Thank You, Lord. Thank You for the chance to minister. I've missed it so much.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Bound Up With Me

Wed, Jan 24 about 7:30 pm

I feel dead inside. I'm exhausted by grieving. I've skipped out on drama practice to seek a quiet place to read the Bible that's always given me comfort. If there's an isolated and unoccupied room at church on Wednesday night I've no idea where it is. My drama director suggests I locate the custodian and have him unlock a closet for me. A few feet from where I'm standing, I notice that the missionary closet has inadvertently been left open and I slip into it.

Scripture, Isaiah 40 (entire chapter); final verses, Isaiah 40:29-31 (NKJV):
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

There's something here I missed.

Okay, Lord, what do You want me to see that I'm missing?

Read chapter again. Reach final verses again.

I am waiting on You. Waiting. Bound together with You. Waiting, waiting, waiting and I don't even know what I'm waiting for or how much longer I can wait. I'm tired of feeling dead inside every evening when it's time to post and I can't post and Lord! I'm just sad and I don't want to be sad anymore.


I'm still missing something, aren't I?

Spirit's whisper:
What's the context?

Start reading backwards from chapter's end until I hit verse 27.

Scripture, Isaiah 40:27 (NKJV):
Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
"My way is hidden from the LORD,
And my just claim is passed over by my God"?

Understanding from Spirit:
The Lord is bound up with me. He is here with me. He is feeling everything I am. I need to wait. I need to have peace about His work, His timing.

Okay, Lord. Okay.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

Wherever You Are

Sun, Jan 24, 6pm

Alone in a hotel room where I've come to pray and fast overnight

Dear God, I need to hear Your voice right now. I don't know what to do or even think. I beg You to help me.

Jesus whisper:
Are you willing to go through this suffering with Me?

Oh God, please, there's more? I can't do anymore.

Understanding from Spirit:
We share joys with many. We share grief with few.

Yes, Lord. I'll go wherever You are. I only want to be wherever You are.

Overwhelming peace and comfort.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Psalm 61

Fri, Jan 22, early morning

Sitting in front of our home's internet computer, staring at today's post for "Building His Body": FAILURE

Oh God, this hurts so much more than I expected. I already thought I couldn't hurt any more and now I do. I hardly ever open my Bible randomly but I don't even think I can hear You right now any other way. Please take me where I need to go.

Open computer Bible. Randomly slide right sidebar. Opens exactly to Psalm 61:1.

Scripture, Psalms 61 (NKJV):
To the Chief Musician.
On A Stringed Instrument.
A Psalm of David.
Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.
For You, O God, have heard my vows;
You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.
You will prolong the king's life,
His years as many generations.
He shall abide before God forever.
Oh, prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him!
So I will sing praise to Your name forever,
That I may daily perform my vows.

Yes, I do fear your name, Lord. You are my heritage. Thank You. Thank You for the shelter of Your wings. Thank You for the assurance and comfort of knowing You hear my crying. Thank You for providing what I need right now.