If You Let Me Choose ...

Hi, God.

Some time back, I made a public confession about being mad at You for the first time since our love story began. Although I've questioned You many times over my first 46 years, I never felt anger toward You until a year and a half ago.

I thought You'd backed me into a corner. (You had, of course. I just didn't see that You also had my back.) I got plenty angry then.

Anyway, I'm long overdue saying publicly what I told You privately a few weeks ago. I say it again now.

I could never count how many times I've wished for a do-over on my life. So if You were to come to me right now, and offer me one of these two options, I want You to know where I stand.

If You said, "You're going to live your life over again, with no memory of this conversation or the way you lived it the first time, and you get to choose how it will go until You finally end up with Me.

"You can have a happy and peaceful life on earth.

"Your idyllic childhood will offer all the comfort and education you could ask for. You'll be popular, you'll never be without a close confidant, and you'll feel good about yourself.

"You'll enter adulthood as a success wherever you put your mind to try. You'll neither suffer the anxiety of poverty nor experience the adversity and fear brought on by great wealth, but will always enjoy the exact amount of prosperity which gives you peace of mind.

"You'll find your Mr. Right at just the time you awaken to love. He'll be your first and only love. You'll grow old together holding hands through the raising of children, building a dream home, achieving all your goals. You'll die together in your sleep.

"But your peace will be artificial and temporal. You won't have Me until the last day of your life on Earth. Only then will You believe I exist and put faith in Me. You'll not feel My presence until your final hours of drawing breath, and you'll stand before Me devoid of any treasure stored up in Heaven waiting for you.

"I'm giving you another option.

"You can have the same miserable childhood, crying with confusion nearly every day, contemplate suicide often, have no close friends, and live in a home you see as anything but normal. You'll work like a dog, feel like a slave, and think you look like one of the two.

"You'll still make the same mistakes as you become an adult, thinking the ungodly people you've made your friends are good for you, and know the disappointment of looking for love and truth and peace in all the wrong places.

"When you get married, it won't be the comfort and rest you've looked forward to all your life. Of all the hard work and difficult challenges you've overcome when you say 'I do' at age 28, marriage is going to prove your biggest test of perseverance. You'll know more struggle and pain here than all that went before.

"But you'll still have Me. You'll know My presence, hear My voice, understand My truths. You'll feel lonely more often than not. Yet you'll never be alone, and you'll never, your whole life, not even before you know Me, doubt that I'm right here. When you see My face, I'll show you all treasure you've been laying up in Heaven.

"The choice is yours."

I know You'd never say all that. I know that's not the way it works. I feel more than a little afraid to admit this, knowing that You may test me.

All the same, I just want You to know, that nothing I've ever suffered or may yet suffer would be worse than not knowing You. Even if I had a shot at a life that looks and feels perfect, it wouldn't be worth it without You, Lord.

If You let me choose my here and now, and even if I'd end up in Heaven either way—if You let me choose whether You or Happiness is my Lord and my God during this visit to Earth—I'd still choose You.

I ♥ love ♥ You ♥ God, with all my heart. ♥

I can hardly wait for the day I'm able to express it as fully as You express Your love for me.